This thing called GRACE...HOW do I live it day by day???

Our children are the best gifts in the world....better than money, that new IPOD I want, getting over lupus, a perfect body (as in one that does not hurt!)...they are the best.  They burst on the scene of our lives, whether by natural means or by adoption, and into our hearts and we are smitten, totally and completely.  THEN...we spend the rest of our lives attempting to right every wrong that was done to us, trying to create a perfect child, trying to keep all harm from them (and threatening bodily harm to anyone who dares to threaten our child...well, if you are like me!), and then the rest of the time worrying about anything that doesn't fit into an aforementioned category.

What do you do if something DOES happen to a child of yours?  What IF they are harmed?  What if they are bullied, hurt in a horrible way, beat up at school, unfairly judged by a teacher, left out of a birthday party or clique of friends at school?  Where does our Christian grace fit in?  Mine?  Honestly?  I am a knee-jerker...I tend to react quickly and swiftly to anyone who attempts to go after my darlings.  Thank goodness I have the opposite for a husband or their would have been many unchristian words burning up cyberspace to the (fill-in-the-blank) teacher, parent, principal, on occasion child,  or so on who allowed such travesty to occur.  In all honesty, I have become a little mellower in my old (40-something) age, but I still feel that urge to slap open the laptop and start typing.

Okay, lets go a little deeper...what if the offense is CLOSER and more hurtful?  AWWWW....these require more than just a non-knee-jerking spouse at your disposal.  These are the ones that involve betrayal and lying and cheating...the real stuff of life that puts our Christianity and all that it means to the test.  These are the hurts that radically alter our children's lives and radically test our fortitude.  Often, these involve people we believed to be trustworthy or safe, or long-time friendships where something goes very, very wrong for the child.  Well, I don't need to fill in ANY blanks for anyone who has experienced this level of pain.  If you have, you  know what I am talking about.  But what do we DO..if you are like me...knee-jerking, slap-the-email open, let 'em have it, kind of gal or guy?

I know of only ONE way.... remember....REMEMBER...stop, take a DEEP breath and REMEMBER.  I must remember who Christ is, what He came to do, what He did and who I am as a result.  Don't get me wrong...I am NOT saying don't feel angry, betrayed, hurt, etc., but I am so responsible for what I DO with those feelings now that I am who I am in Christ.  If you are asking the question have we been deeply hurt?  Yes, the answer is yes...and many of you have as well...and I am doing by gut-level best to be the woman He wants me to be...Lately, I have been angry...in fact...my feelings run between anger, betrayal, frustration, back to anger.

But if I go back up to the first paragraph and I think about that from the moment these children entered this world and my heart, I became responsible to train them how to be good human beings and the ways of the Lord, and then once they received Christ, how to continue to follow in His ways.  I KNOW that THEY take their cues from ME...so much is caught NOT taught!

In this season of joy and peace and comfort, I want to LIVE the best I can  If not for ANY other reason then because Christ forgave me, and I want everything I do to reflect what I believe...but please be kind...remember HE was perfect,  I am not!  I must trust in some situations to let justice run its course and not take it into my own hands. In some cases where action is warranted, it can always be done with a properly merited measure of grace.

to go to the doctor or not to go THAT is the question....

Hi blogger buds!!!!

I hope to some day be an inspiration to some one! I hope to someday manage this thing called LUPUS so well that it makes my blog worth reading, because I WANT to contribute something back!  To that end, I keep trying to learn my illnesses better and better.   Honestly, this may be BORING to some, but for me...it is an attempt to NOT focus on my health as much which is something lupus almost forces you to do on a daily basis if you are flaring or sick or want to be in the sun or heat.

Today my topic is WHEN do I take this hurting head, stuffed up nose, hurting eye sockets, cheek bones, hurting neck, and incredible fatigue  to the doctor?  How to do I know when it is a sinus infection versus a cold versus allergies?  In the last 8 years, I have seen the doctor so many times for horrid migraines, pneumonia, strep throat, sinus infections, flu, pleurisy, colitis, bronchitis, stomach flu, UTIs,  URIs...I have  been sick with so many things, I just get tired of calling and making that appointment and being put on, yet again, on more antibiotic.  So many days wasted getting well, you know?   My husband, in spite of having Chrohn's disease and being on Imuran as well as me, rarely goes to the doctor if he gets sick.  His answer would be..."see if your body will fight it off".  I found that so incredibly amusing!!!  But does he have a point?  Does this body of mine that fights against itself all the time have the ability to fight off the common cold or a sinus infection?

I honestly don't know, so I have come up with a few criteria.  I desire to try not to get on too many antibiotics, and also not just jump at the first sign of illness, because I really DON'T want my body to become immune to antibiotics!

1)  Determine level of fatigue...is it my normal lupus fatigue or something more.
2)  Is the elephant sitting on my chest yet (for those of us with lung issues, I start having shortness of breath when I am getting pretty sick...sort of like a huge rubber band squeezing your chest).
3)  Fever (for me this is subjective...I have always normally run a low fever in the 97s, so 99. whatever is a fever)...
4)  How many days has it been?  I have begin to allow my body 3 days to fight something unless I go downhill  super fast....
5)  What else is hurting?  Am I showing signs of a flare?  Finger joints, low back, etc or are my symptoms more illness related......muscle aches and pains, headaches, nausea and vomiting, and so forth.
6)  Add vitamin C and garlic tabs (NEVER echinachea) DISCLAIMER:  I am not a doctor and am not offering medical advice.  Ask your doctor before you add any nutritional supplement or anything at all to your diet!!!!


I will say, it is SO much easier to go to the doctor and just let him slap the antibiotics on me and just get over it so much quicker, because we need more rest with lupus anyway and I WANT OUT OF BED!!!  Hence almost seems like a catch 22...to go or not to go, because I do run the risk of getting sicker then I might have otherwise.  It is the risk of waiting it out.

I will honestly say, it is SO much easier to go to the doctor and let him slap the antibiotics and just help jumpstart my immune system, because I  WANT OUT OF BED!  There is the catch; the proverbial fly in the ointment as they say....if I DON'T go, I do run the risk of getting sicker with more days in bed.  Well, wish me luck on this new way or being...my new normal!  Lets hope that my body is a stronger fighter then it has been with the aid of these medications!

Keep smiling!  Keep fighting!  Don't give up and most all, don't become lupus!

Only by His GRACE!

Lupie Mama

Helping my NOT zero-sized daughter in a Zero-sized world!

Welcome All! I KNOW I am not the only one struggling with THIS!!!

Being a mom has to be THE hardest job in the world! This child struggles with this issue, this child struggles with this one and Mom struggles with when to open my mouth and when to keep it shut, in one case without obliterating a self-esteem and our relationship! One was born with a metabolic condition, called insulin resistance, where her body doesn't process sugar properly so it messes up her metabolism and her hunger/full cycle, and it exploded on the scene when she was in 3rd grade when kids begin to be mean(and still are mean) and my once happy, outgoing, never-knew-a-stranger-daughter begin to change...she is still somewhat happy, but it is difficult to fight a society in which size 0 to size 2 is in and what every girl her age is striving for but few are succeeding because it is not a normal size unless you are a child!

Additionally, every single day this 14 y/o has to watch every calorie she puts in her mouth and the type of food she eats. What makes it hard is she is also going to be taller then most and has begin to get her height. So, every day, she goes to school with skinny girls who are either starving themselves to stay thin or they still have high metabolisms...she has been called whale, weight watchers (so now she won't even GO to WW even to learn)told no one will love her won't marry her, people have yelled at her from buses, and I have to somehow wade through all of this, convince her she is beautiful (and she really is very beautiful....beautiful skin, beautiful eyes, laugh), and at the same time helping her go against what her body is telling her to do because her insulin is screwed up and she is hungrier then you or I...I am tired of this battle that I feel I am losing...her doctor says she can't focus on losing weight until she has quit growing, but we just have to focus on maintaining... He also told me that his daughter decided for herself to lose weight herself when she hit 18. I am afraid of the next 4 years if she doesn't make good decisions.

I just don't know how to keep my mouth shut on this one. I have dealt with MY weight since I was 15, but I was very active and athletic, and I still dealt with it. I know how to put a diet together that would work for her but she doesn't what to hear anything I have to say. So, we are constantly at odds. She is also slightly rebellious, so it has become somewhat of a rebellious issue as well.

You know, what drives everything at its core is fear...I am afraid for her. I am afraid that she will gain so much above normal for her that she will not take it on and do the work when the time comes and she does get motivated like he doctor says will happen. I am afraid she will always see herself only through how she looks physically and not the awesome, talented amazing girl she is, and I am afraid the world will also always judge her. In a world where the average woman is a size 12 to 14, I still don't understand where beauty is only considered to be the size 0-2. That is what all our girls gauge themselves against. Honestly, I don't care what size her friends are. There is not one of them that feels beautiful! Isn't that awful?

Okay, here is the biggie. I am scared of here never finding someone that loves her...there I said it...but see, that is MY issue...if I truly trust the Lord as I claim I do, and He wants the best for her, then won't He take care of every issue for her? I just want her to not be sad when dances come around. I see her already putting walls up and saying "I really just don't want to date right now. I was hurt once and that is it" Now on the one hand, I am happy with that (she can't date yet anyway and boyfriend/girlfriend thing can just be painful anyway), but if it becomes a mantra, or a permanent wall, then I am not. But here I go again...back to trust. Am I fully going to trust Him? He created her, He has a plan for her and He loves her more than I do. And "He will keep in perfect peace he whose mind is focused on Him!"

The answers to beginning to win this daily battle:...

1) remember to trust,

2) always unconditionally love,

3) check where I am applying my own issues to the situation and don't make them hers,

4) love, love, love her.

5) And when I am afraid remember 2 Tim. 1:7.."He does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind" Pray for a sound mind of wisdom to help her!

6) Above all, keep showing her the truth...that this is NOT a Zero-sized world...THAT is a lie and almost everyone of those little girls will not be little after two babies and ten years of marriage!

Blessings and keep fighting

Diane (previously Lupie Mama)

I HAVE to update this blog and show God's provision!  My daughter is AMAZING!!!  Last year was the worst year in her young life! When I wrote that, it seemed that battling weight was the worst thing that could happen...I have since learned it is not... Since then I have learned just how strong a young lady I have.  She has weathered a situation that makes even grown women quit functioning and she is becoming more herself, becoming stronger, becoming focused in life...  She HAS gone to dances, she HAS had boyfriends, she has the hugest capacity for love...Is she strong-willed...oh yeah!  Does she love the Lord...yes...and that relationship is still growing...Do I want her any other way!  NO way!  I encourage all of you whose daughters deal with weight issues or image issues to take heart and keep loving them...especially through the middle school years....It does begin to get better.  Keep loving them and showing them their preciousness to the Lord!