Being a mom has to be THE hardest job in the world! This child struggles with this issue, this child struggles with this one and Mom struggles with when to open my mouth and when to keep it shut, in one case without obliterating a self-esteem and our relationship! One was born with a metabolic condition, called insulin resistance, where her body doesn't process sugar properly so it messes up her metabolism and her hunger/full cycle, and it exploded on the scene when she was in 3rd grade when kids begin to be mean(and still are mean) and my once happy, outgoing, never-knew-a-stranger-daughter begin to change...she is still somewhat happy, but it is difficult to fight a society in which size 0 to size 2 is in and what every girl her age is striving for but few are succeeding because it is not a normal size unless you are a child!
Additionally, every single day this 14 y/o has to watch every calorie she puts in her mouth and the type of food she eats. What makes it hard is she is also going to be taller then most and has begin to get her height. So, every day, she goes to school with skinny girls who are either starving themselves to stay thin or they still have high metabolisms...she has been called whale, weight watchers (so now she won't even GO to WW even to learn)told no one will love her won't marry her, people have yelled at her from buses, and I have to somehow wade through all of this, convince her she is beautiful (and she really is very beautiful....beautiful skin, beautiful eyes, laugh), and at the same time helping her go against what her body is telling her to do because her insulin is screwed up and she is hungrier then you or I...I am tired of this battle that I feel I am losing...her doctor says she can't focus on losing weight until she has quit growing, but we just have to focus on maintaining... He also told me that his daughter decided for herself to lose weight herself when she hit 18. I am afraid of the next 4 years if she doesn't make good decisions.
I just don't know how to keep my mouth shut on this one. I have dealt with MY weight since I was 15, but I was very active and athletic, and I still dealt with it. I know how to put a diet together that would work for her but she doesn't what to hear anything I have to say. So, we are constantly at odds. She is also slightly rebellious, so it has become somewhat of a rebellious issue as well.
You know, what drives everything at its core is fear...I am afraid for her. I am afraid that she will gain so much above normal for her that she will not take it on and do the work when the time comes and she does get motivated like he doctor says will happen. I am afraid she will always see herself only through how she looks physically and not the awesome, talented amazing girl she is, and I am afraid the world will also always judge her. In a world where the average woman is a size 12 to 14, I still don't understand where beauty is only considered to be the size 0-2. That is what all our girls gauge themselves against. Honestly, I don't care what size her friends are. There is not one of them that feels beautiful! Isn't that awful?
Okay, here is the biggie. I am scared of here never finding someone that loves her...there I said it...but see, that is MY issue...if I truly trust the Lord as I claim I do, and He wants the best for her, then won't He take care of every issue for her? I just want her to not be sad when dances come around. I see her already putting walls up and saying "I really just don't want to date right now. I was hurt once and that is it" Now on the one hand, I am happy with that (she can't date yet anyway and boyfriend/girlfriend thing can just be painful anyway), but if it becomes a mantra, or a permanent wall, then I am not. But here I go again...back to trust. Am I fully going to trust Him? He created her, He has a plan for her and He loves her more than I do. And "He will keep in perfect peace he whose mind is focused on Him!"
The answers to beginning to win this daily battle:...
1) remember to trust,
2) always unconditionally love,
3) check where I am applying my own issues to the situation and don't make them hers,
4) love, love, love her.
5) And when I am afraid remember 2 Tim. 1:7.."He does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind" Pray for a sound mind of wisdom to help her!
6) Above all, keep showing her the truth...that this is NOT a Zero-sized world...THAT is a lie and almost everyone of those little girls will not be little after two babies and ten years of marriage!
Blessings and keep fighting
Diane (previously Lupie Mama)
I HAVE to update this blog and show God's provision! My daughter is AMAZING!!! Last year was the worst year in her young life! When I wrote that, it seemed that battling weight was the worst thing that could happen...I have since learned it is not... Since then I have learned just how strong a young lady I have. She has weathered a situation that makes even grown women quit functioning and she is becoming more herself, becoming stronger, becoming focused in life... She HAS gone to dances, she HAS had boyfriends, she has the hugest capacity for love...Is she strong-willed...oh yeah! Does she love the Lord...yes...and that relationship is still growing...Do I want her any other way! NO way! I encourage all of you whose daughters deal with weight issues or image issues to take heart and keep loving them...especially through the middle school years....It does begin to get better. Keep loving them and showing them their preciousness to the Lord!
I HAVE to update this blog and show God's provision! My daughter is AMAZING!!! Last year was the worst year in her young life! When I wrote that, it seemed that battling weight was the worst thing that could happen...I have since learned it is not... Since then I have learned just how strong a young lady I have. She has weathered a situation that makes even grown women quit functioning and she is becoming more herself, becoming stronger, becoming focused in life... She HAS gone to dances, she HAS had boyfriends, she has the hugest capacity for love...Is she strong-willed...oh yeah! Does she love the Lord...yes...and that relationship is still growing...Do I want her any other way! NO way! I encourage all of you whose daughters deal with weight issues or image issues to take heart and keep loving them...especially through the middle school years....It does begin to get better. Keep loving them and showing them their preciousness to the Lord!
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