THE IMPOSSIBLITY OF BEING PERFECT

I was SO excited the other day when I went into Wal-Mart and ran across a small, uncomplicated afghan pattern book, because after learning to crochet about 15 years ago, I was ready to pick it up again and keep being was creatively active as possible. At first, I was blown away by the short-hand they used in the pattern book, but after a little patience I begin to decipher and had completed my first 10 rows.  BUT something was NOT quite right... for some reason, my blanket was taking on an angled appearance, so I counted the number of stitches in the first row and then the number of stitches in the last row I completed and realized that somehow I had been adding extra stitches on to every row.  Well, my perfectionist nature was quite frustrated and first, as you can well imagine!  I had go back and count the stitches in each row until I found where I had deviated from the pattern and get back on track.  In the midst of pulling the yarn out, I made another mistake and did not wind the yarn in a neat fashion and ended up with a tangled mess.  This was mistake number two and I spent hours trying to unwind that mess before I just let the mess go and cut it off and started with another skein of yarn. 
Perfectionism...the angst of anyone who ends up with a chronic illness and desires to be the best mother, wife, Christian....  CONFESSION time.... my house is not clean all the time, there are loads of laundry to do AND I do not get dinner made every night!!  Most days I feel like I fall so far short of what God wants me to be in Proverbs 31 that I am frustrated and feel guilty.  I still do not, on most days, fully accept that I have an illness that has radically altered my ability to function on all cylinders.  It is simply not possibly.  But, my mind says "All things are possible through Him"....so I ought to, right??  I guess I don't have enough faith, right?  I guess I am falling short in come capacity in my Christian walk or I would be able to just push through and be the Keeper of my Home that I was before this disease begin to ravage the inside (and a few spots on the outside) of my body.   Do I truly believe that what Christ wants me to believe? 

If I have asked on more than one occasion to be healed and healing has not come, then I must believe that God is allowing this disease to continue for the time being.  My final healing may not come until I am in heaven.  I believe He is the Great Physician and could but speak a word and I would be restored.  Instead, I must choose to look for the reasons, the purposes and believe wholeheartedly that He will never change from who is He has said He will be from now until the end of time. 

Where do I start redoing my ability to be the most excellent keeper of my home that I can be.  See I am called to be so much more than JUST a cook, cleaner and maid, which is how I used to view my jobs at home.... let me share what God says on the matter   

Titus 2:3-5 "Older women, likewise are to reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored."   

In other words, not only do we do the acts of service at home, but we are to be loving, to be kind, to be pure and then to teach our young women these things as well... WOW!  How awesome is all this and what a blessing!
Ladies, your jobs are SO important whether you have a chronic illness or not!  God has not left you!  When I first discovered how important my work at home was to my Heavenly Father, I was NOT completely sick yet... I was getting there...but He allowed me to sit under an awesome teacher and be taught about being content.  It will take relying on Jesus heavily each and every day,  Jesus says:
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my load is light" 

We are also told to ask for wisdom and it will be given to us. 
James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach and it shall be given to him."

When we are diagnosed we are just overwhelmed!  We do not know what it all means.  How will we be the wife, the mother, the single mother, the grandmother, whatever our role is at that time....Ask God to help you for wisdom and start your day with Him.  My first bit of advice is you are still just as worthy as you were, give your weariness to Jesus and He will refresh you, and the wisdom we need is found in Him.  I would be remiss if I did not say to try and start your day with Him.  

Blessings my sweet friends!

Only by HIS grace do I stand!

Diane

Loving our kids with kindness....the countering of bullying

October 18, 2011
I had started a blog on perfectionism....and I know I am to write that...maybe tomorrow.  Sometimes it takes a little time to understand and hear what I am supposed to write about, so I prayed and said "SHOW me what to write about".  And because He is faithful, He did just that.  My heart is just overwhelmed right now.  I am recovering from having diagnostic procedures under general anesthesia today, so I was watching a little Dr. Phil, a show on bullying and my heart began to ache again.  Most of us, if we have multiple children, or even just one have not been able to dodge the bullying bullet with one or more of our children.  OR we may have a niece or nephew that has had serious issues with it or another family member.  More of our children are feeling so discouraged and without hope that they are choosing suicide as an option.  In our medium-sized school system alone we have had five suicides in the last two years. 

What can I do to help my kids in their battle in the trenches... and bullying happens in public school, Christian School, Private School and even our own churches.  I do not mean to sound negative, but I just want to say it is a global problem.  There are four kinds of kids:  the bullies, the bullied, the bystanders, and those that stick up for the bullied (this is a small but growing group).  How can we help?  What can we do?  First off, our homes need to be a safe place to land... Proverbs 31:26 "She opens her mouth in wisdom. And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."  When our kids walk through that door or we pick them up, we need to be ready to listen, ready to support, and let our kids know how much they are loved at home.  In this crazy, busy world we lead, we need to do our best to aware of changes in our children's personalities.  When they are ready to talk, try and slow down and listen. 

Secondly, KNOW your schools bullying policy.  If you end up with a child who is being bullied, do not be afraid to take up for them with school officials.  In most schools today, they have strict policies.  If yours does not and your child is being bullied, then do not be afraid to be proactive.  Understand that NO ONE will protect your child like you will.  

We have had two of our three children experience bullying.  In one case, we left the school entirely because there was no bullying policy in place, and the administration was not helpful or receptive and it was a very small group of people. The second thing we did was enlist the help of our youth minister and let him know what was going on and a few youth mentors took our son under their wings. This was life-changing for him.   Changing schools in 8th grade made the difference for him,  and he is thriving today in college.  However I realize this is not always possible or the only answer.  

Our second child has been teased and bullied, but she is one that is likely to take on her own bullies.  She also won't tolerate bullying around her.  She will take up for anyone she sees being bullied.  But as strong as she seems, those words STILL hurt, and I still stay in touch emotionally with her the best I can.  My daughter having been bullied is causing her to want tojoin an anti-bullying club in our school and has served to make her stronger (I DON'T wish bullying on anyone, but I am proud of this response in her life)  Stay in touch with them, get counseling the child needs it,.

What if you HAVE a bully???  This is a LITTLE harder to handle.  The first question is why?  Why is your child bullying other kids?  Usually kids bully either because they are insecure, they have been bullied themselves, they are following the crowd, there is tension in their life, they like power over other people, and it also can be leadership potential gone VERY wrong.  I will not say much on this issue, but if your child has been pulled in for this, or you notice this potential, please address it.  I truly believe that bullies are kids who are really hurting inside and hurt other kids to make themselves feel better.  They require everything that the bullied kids need... a safe place to land... attention, their parents to listen and understand...but they do need to be taught accountability for their actions and the effect their actions have on the kids they hurt.

All of our kids probably float through these stages as they go through their school years.  If we are wise, we teach from such a young age how valuable they are to The One and The Only, and that every person created is a unique creation of God created in Him image. Therefore they should be treated as such.   At home, we do our best to model no bullying in our marriage relationships.  We don't let them bully each other. Try to resolve conflicts without the use of anger.   If we, as parents, love them as they are to the best of our ability, we give them a firmer foundation to stand upon, hopefully it will help them be stronger in the face of bullying.  When kids are bullied, I can not decide for anyone else how to tell you to tell them to handle it.  I do believe they have the right to verbally stand up for themselves and tell me or someone else in authority.  But every situation is very unique.  

I feel like I have NOT done this subject justice at all and my passion has NOT come through...it is such a minefield raising our kids in this war zone called life.  You are your child's BEST advocate, their best example, their best and most important source of love and acceptance.  There are many resources out there to help them if they get depressed, suicidal or anxious due to bullying.  Don't be afraid to reach out.  May God richly bless you all and give you ALL the patience and wisdom and courage you need as you seek to raise your precious ones!