November 14, 2011
Hey Everyone
Do I wish I did not have to engage my family's help? YOU BET! But there are SO many good reasons to ask them to help and only one reason (I can think of currently that I was using) NOT to have them help. The reason not to have them help? Guilt. Pure and simple. I felt guilty that I am chronically ill and I can not vacuum the entire house all at one time. I have been wanting to (for a long time) ask my family to take on the more strenuous jobs in the house and me take the lighter tasks so that our house work would get done and our house would run more efficiently. The guilt I felt at it NOT all getting done was causing stress which was causing flares which was taking energy which was exactly counterproductive to helping me follow the biblical principals I feel convicted to follow. I knew that it was time to step up to the plate, get some courage, swallow my pride, and ASK!
Here is the deal. We are a family. I totally believe it is my job to teach my children how to clean, cook and be self-sufficient when they leave this home. If they are not given opportunities to do so here, then they will not know how when they get off to college and live on their own. Plus, it is important to learn team work. It is just not the job of the parents to do ALL the laundry, ALL the cooking, ALL the cleaning. Now granted, it is hard with the amount of homework they give our kids today to get a lot done during the week, but if they can find time to spend hours on Facebook, texting, and playing Angry Birds (LOL) then I am thinking they can clean their own bathroom, and learn responsibility in the process.
My husband is the best laundry doer you have EVER seen! So, I asked him if he wanted to take over that task... He agreed... and our laundry is staying caught up (I actually do feel guilty about this...even though he agreed, I secretly want to take this task back at some point) I also asked him if he would be responsible for vacuuming the house one time a week...then if I had the energy I could do a room here or there during the week... but at LEAST, it would be completely done once a week!
The other big thing I had trouble with that I finally asked help with is grocery store trips. I had almost quit cooking like I was supposed to because after shopping for an hour, I am in such pain, that it is really hard. Therefore, I negotiated with him that I would go back to making my menu plans like I had previously and asked if he would be willing to go to the grocery store once every one or two weeks. He has agreed. Last week... I had everything I need to make five meals and then we had left-overs! It was awesome to have home-cooked meals all week long and to cook meals I had not cooked in a long time with my kids saying "mom, this is AWESOME! Why haven't you made this before!"
I still have chores, but my dream is that by engaging the rest of the family in helping, I will be able to have enough energy left over to take care of some neglected tasks like cleaning out the fridge, cleaning out closets and finally taking care of the donation items in the garage that need to be cataloged and given to charity just to name a few. I have learned and admitted that I cannot do it alone...I just cannot. It was finally time to set my pride and guilt aside and ask. I was very pleased with how it went and was not surprised that my pile of tasks/chores still out-numbered everyone else's. But now I feel that what I have, I can manage.
Whether you are a single mom, married with or without children, learn YOUR own limits and admit that you have limits. And remember that everyone's limits are different. There are many similarities, but we each have individual diseases, but I do believe the principal is the same. The other thing is understanding and communicating with your husband about what they feel they are good at and what they are willing to do. I think it is so very important to help them to understand if they take over the few tasks or chores that are overwhelming you the most, it will benefit the family in the long run by reducing your stress, and we all know that reduced stress decreases the chance of flares which, of course helps keep us at our healthiest and with more energy!
I am very, very excited for sitting down with my husband and partnering with my best friend! He said it would show him that I love him if I managed our household, and what I did is very much a part of that. I didn't say manage HIM... I engaged him in the process. We are still working out the kinks, but the key is WE.....WE are working out the kinks! Always remember that they can never walk in our shoes and to remember to show them grace because of that! One more word to you guys from the Word in this same vein....edify them with your words and praise them for all they do for you, even if you are in a time of struggle...
Eph. 5:29 "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear."
Many blessings to you today! I am praying for all who read this!
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