The power of forgiving words in marriage, Part 2

Part 2 - All of the above began to drive us apart because we took our eyes off the prize, which is a marriage built on the strength of Jesus.  I began to try and do things in my own power.   I withdrew from people at the church because before diagnosis, much was not understood about what I was going through at the time.  I did not even understand what I was going through for a long time even after I received the diagnosis.

Eventually, due to bills and the recession, we had to downsize and move to a smaller house...another stressor.   But even that became not enough even though we tried to work with all of our creditors and we ended up in bankruptcy.  A place I never, ever thought we would be.  Now we truly were in poorer from a financial sense.  We still had our Lord, of course.  

Through it all, I was determined to make it.  There were many days I may have not liked him so much and I am positive he didn't like me.  There were days I cried out to the Lord to heal the hard places and show me how to love Him how we deserved to be loved and help us get back to the place we had been before.  We began to go to counseling together.  We needed to find the best way to be with each other and find better ways to communicate.  I would never let what God had joined together be torn apart by me or my attitudes.  I truly did not care how long it took, and with me being a very strong-willed woman, God probably had His work cut out for Him....and of course this continues to prove to be the case!  

I can't tell you the last 3 to 4 years have been easy....they haven't.  But what I will tell you is that I am  committed to stay here for life.  Through it all....And I will tell you that there is one thing that I learned when we celebrated/renewed our vows; asking for forgiveness in marriage heals.  And I honestly do not care how long a grudge has been held on a particular issue.  Nor do I  care if the other person thinks you feel you need to ask for forgiveness in that area.  It heals.

I am SO glad we chose to go ahead and celebrate our vows on our anniversary.  We both wrote what we wanted to say separately and did not share them until the ceremony.  My hubby blew me away.  He felt abandoned before we knew I had lupus because he flat did not understand what I was going through, and I do not blame him, but in my heart I NEVER abandoned him.  I was just so sick, emotionally and physically that it was all I could do to get out of bed in the morning. It has broken my heart many times over that he ever felt that way and many times did I ask for his forgiveness.  But in this case, on our vow renewal day, something very unexpected for me happened.

God led him to ask for MY forgiveness during that time.  I felt so unworthy of that.  In one instant, years of marriage was healed.  I had felt he was so incredible during that time and it broke my heart he felt abandoned and yet he came back and asked for MY forgiveness.  What a blessing, what an automatic renewal, what a gift!!  I was absolutely, completely speechless.

Forgive.  Is it not the very foundation on which the Christian faith is based?  In one fell swoop, my husband spoke and reminded me of what our relationship should be striving for....agape (unconditional) love and forgiveness.... I should be walking in both daily.  Not only that, I should keep seeking from this 25 years now plus to love God first and then love others with my hubby being first.

My husband's words to me made me want to be better immediately and rise to his challenge.  It reminded me again of the man I am blessed to have.  Marriage is a roller coaster because life is a roller coaster.  However, if I keep remembering to see this man as a gift straight from God, keep a forgiving and loving attitude and express that when I mess up, then all the gains we have made to get us back to where we were before will just continue and in fact, I can see us becoming stronger than we ever have been before.

Wherever you are in your marriage.  Do not be discouraged if times are rough, Christ is there.  If you are in a good place, Christ is there.  If you can learn what I have learned, forgiveness, agape love, and sticking in there and asking for help when you need it, and most of all crying out to the heavenly Father to show you the way, you can make it through the rough patches.  These were learned by experience and I have to put them into practice every day....

May God bless each and every marriage that runs across this blog and reads this.  For it is ONLY by His grace I live day-by-day!

Many Blessings

Diane