Psalm 139
This chronic illness road is such an up and down one, and I have to admit that since I had my first lupus-related seizure in March of 2015, my ability to cope has diminished. Hope. It is one of the most important feelings to hang on to when facing difficulties in life. And after the 2nd seizure a year ago, I have struggled to maintain it more than at any other time. Not being able to drive myself anywhere for 6 months decreased my ability to remain hopeful and the diseases began to strip away my hope. I withdrew from almost everything that has been important to me and I am striving to claw my way back out of the depression, the social anxiety and emotional withdrawal.
HOPE.
There is one place and one place alone to find it. Christ and His promises, His unconditional love, and turning towards Him to make it through whatever each day brings.
I recently started in a support group at my church to try help with the depression and anxiety. I am afraid I will fail it because winter is the hardest time to stay well, and I am missing more than I am going. So, I turn this class and healing over to Him and trust His timing. It is a journey not a race.
HOPE.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
HOPE.
Today I am finding it in knowing that Christ has all things in His hands. I am allowing myself to just understand that my body is fighting off two infections and to just have peace as I heal. I have to give whatever is wrong with my shoulder over to Him and not worry. It is surrendering to His will in my life and just being okay with all the pain I am struggling with today.
Hope comes when I turn it over, surrender to His will and know that all things will be as they should be. I just need to do what I am called to do today even if it that is just to let my body heal from this last round of attacks and to let God fight my battles. Which, of course, for me is very difficult because, my nature is to fight it and fix it and to NOT be patient.
HOPE. It is in Christ alone.
Blessings to you all, and don't give up, but give it over to the One who loves you wonderfully and completely and knows each of your days and knew each of them before there was yet one (Ps. 139) Hope comes in trusting Him and just doing what He puts before you to do that day, even if in your worldly view, it does not seem to be much.
HOPE. It is in Christ alone.
Thank you, Jesus for this life you have given me. Help me to do whatever you put in front of me for each day and gain my strength from You and You only.
As a last word in this post today, I have learned that being chronically ill tends to strip hope for the future away because it so radically alters the life you had "before" and the life you have now. Not to mention the fact that any healing is not something under anyone's control. What I do know is that I am not alone in this world as having experienced some sort of before and after experience. Many people have such things happen that can dramatically alter the course of their life or change what they knew as normal and hopelessness can occur. I have felt so hopeless at times in the last 10 years, since diagnosis, that I have become socially withdrawn, spiritually withdrawn and even emotionally withdrawn. For people who know me, being withdrawn is simply not my true personality. And battling anxiety, whether it shows itself in being afraid of being around others or panic attacks or for cases where there the cause is unknown, is a hard and very difficult battle.
The truth for me is that if I continue this way, then I am just letting my chronic illnesses win. If I allow the hopelessness to win out, then am I truly trusting in the Lord to take care of my future? However, if I look to Him for my peace, it is there. If I ask Him for strength it will be found. If I trust Him with my heartache, my family, and my diseases, He will give me the strength to live one day at a time and just enjoy each moment that is given. Is it easy? Am I giving a Pollyanna answer? To some, probably, but He can do all this and much, much more. Most of all, He continues to show up on the hard days and helps my patience as I walk this path. Above it all, He continually restores my hope and joy on the dark days. I am never alone.
I pray if you are reading this, that God uses this in some way to bless you and if you are feeling hopeless, that you know that there is hope. You are not alone.
Many blessings to you,
Diane