I have been married 25 years to the love of my life. We are
blessed with three wonderful children. My main goal in life is to be the
best wife and mother that I possibly can. When the kids were younger,
this was much easier. I had the energy I needed every day and got sick a
normal amount of time. Early in 2000, this begin to change, and it
took another 6 years to figure out that I had systemic lupus
erythematous and chronic migraines. These were later followed by
discoid lupus and finally, fibromyalgia. I have had intermittent bouts
of depression and anxiety due to the effect lupus has on serotonin levels.
We had made the decision for me to stay home with the children, and for a while I struggled with feeling content and adequate with being at home and did not feel I had a lot of skills necessary to be a great homemaker. About the same time I started getting sick, I met a lady who had a calling to help women learn who and how God saw them according to His Word and she also wanted to combine this study with skill sessions to teach things like organization, how to clean your house in 20 minutes (just kidding), menu planning...really things that would help women become better "keepers" of their home... I still remember sitting in a sandwich shop and helping pen the mission statement..."learning to be content"... because I certainly was not because I did not see my value! Three years later I did and I still do! But three years later, I had become so sick, I had to quit the team and I had learned WHAT I was supposed to do and be around the house but could no longer do it the way I had learned.
In 2004, I became very, very sick over Thanksgiving with three different viruses and my life was never the same. That winter, I bounced between strep throat, the flu, and pneumonia. My health did not improve even after we took my tonsils out. It took another 2 years and the wisdom of a very wise Christian dentist to finally get a diagnosis.
By this time, there had been stress on the marriage relationship, as he had to do SO MUCH since I begin getting sick six years prior. He was so wonderful and constantly there for me, but as often is the case, tension occurs because there is a lack of understanding prior to and even after diagnoses. Also, even the best of people can burn out when they are dealing with a wife who is struggling with almost constant migraines, depression, anxiety, and getting sick almost as soon as she gets well. By this time, I had so much guilt that my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I was doing the best I could, and suspected something was wrong, but I had never heard of auto-immune diseases and certainly never suspected I had one. I just thought I was weaker than my husband and had genetic depression that seemed to run in my family.
I used to work out 4 to 5 days a week but there was no more energy for that, I had withdrawn from most people and activities that I had been in before. Things were just so hard. I did notice that my gums were sore and bleeding, but I always thought it was my fault...you know...not flossing... but no, my dentist said that it was not, and that she believed there was something going on in my body. In 2005, she told me that she would treat my gums and if they were not better in 6 months, then we might need to get them biopsied. Well, in 6 months, she said that there was no change and asked me if I had heard of a disease called lupus. I told her I had not. She told me that she wanted me to ask my doctor to run the ANA test for it. It was 2006 by this time, and then I had the positive test for lupus. FINALLY! A diagnosis. It still took 6 months to get into a rheumatologist and to start medication and another 18 months after that to start the second medication that began to help somewhat. About 2006, I started losing my hair in a spot and 2008, I was diagnosed with discoid lupus, which is basically lupus on the outside. I can always tell when I am flaring on the inside based on what the spot on my head is doing. Usually, you have another autoimmune disease...they often run in pairs, and I knew I had the trigger points for fibromyalgia and had a few flares that were fibro-specific.... and that was added in 2010.
I am on a journey. My goal is NOT to be defined by these diagnoses, but I know that they are a part of my life. They play a role in how I live my life every day. It takes a while to learn not only how to manage these illnesses on a physical level, but on a spiritual and emotional one as well. God continues to teach me and refine me through these and help me to remember to rely on Him. No matter what I am facing, He is my sole sustainer. It is ONLY by His GRACE that I exist and make it through each day. My husband and I are learning how to walk through this journey together. We are learning the "new normal". Those around us can never truly understand what it is to have a chronic illness, and I have to remember to have grace for them. They can only do so much with something they do not understand.
It is still my goal to be the best Keeper of my Home that I can be... albeit, how I do it is modified. I hope to use what I am learning on my journey to help others out there! May God use this blog and my words to bless anyone who comes across this! To Him be the glory forever and ever Amen!
Diane
We had made the decision for me to stay home with the children, and for a while I struggled with feeling content and adequate with being at home and did not feel I had a lot of skills necessary to be a great homemaker. About the same time I started getting sick, I met a lady who had a calling to help women learn who and how God saw them according to His Word and she also wanted to combine this study with skill sessions to teach things like organization, how to clean your house in 20 minutes (just kidding), menu planning...really things that would help women become better "keepers" of their home... I still remember sitting in a sandwich shop and helping pen the mission statement..."learning to be content"... because I certainly was not because I did not see my value! Three years later I did and I still do! But three years later, I had become so sick, I had to quit the team and I had learned WHAT I was supposed to do and be around the house but could no longer do it the way I had learned.
In 2004, I became very, very sick over Thanksgiving with three different viruses and my life was never the same. That winter, I bounced between strep throat, the flu, and pneumonia. My health did not improve even after we took my tonsils out. It took another 2 years and the wisdom of a very wise Christian dentist to finally get a diagnosis.
By this time, there had been stress on the marriage relationship, as he had to do SO MUCH since I begin getting sick six years prior. He was so wonderful and constantly there for me, but as often is the case, tension occurs because there is a lack of understanding prior to and even after diagnoses. Also, even the best of people can burn out when they are dealing with a wife who is struggling with almost constant migraines, depression, anxiety, and getting sick almost as soon as she gets well. By this time, I had so much guilt that my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I was doing the best I could, and suspected something was wrong, but I had never heard of auto-immune diseases and certainly never suspected I had one. I just thought I was weaker than my husband and had genetic depression that seemed to run in my family.
I used to work out 4 to 5 days a week but there was no more energy for that, I had withdrawn from most people and activities that I had been in before. Things were just so hard. I did notice that my gums were sore and bleeding, but I always thought it was my fault...you know...not flossing... but no, my dentist said that it was not, and that she believed there was something going on in my body. In 2005, she told me that she would treat my gums and if they were not better in 6 months, then we might need to get them biopsied. Well, in 6 months, she said that there was no change and asked me if I had heard of a disease called lupus. I told her I had not. She told me that she wanted me to ask my doctor to run the ANA test for it. It was 2006 by this time, and then I had the positive test for lupus. FINALLY! A diagnosis. It still took 6 months to get into a rheumatologist and to start medication and another 18 months after that to start the second medication that began to help somewhat. About 2006, I started losing my hair in a spot and 2008, I was diagnosed with discoid lupus, which is basically lupus on the outside. I can always tell when I am flaring on the inside based on what the spot on my head is doing. Usually, you have another autoimmune disease...they often run in pairs, and I knew I had the trigger points for fibromyalgia and had a few flares that were fibro-specific.... and that was added in 2010.
I am on a journey. My goal is NOT to be defined by these diagnoses, but I know that they are a part of my life. They play a role in how I live my life every day. It takes a while to learn not only how to manage these illnesses on a physical level, but on a spiritual and emotional one as well. God continues to teach me and refine me through these and help me to remember to rely on Him. No matter what I am facing, He is my sole sustainer. It is ONLY by His GRACE that I exist and make it through each day. My husband and I are learning how to walk through this journey together. We are learning the "new normal". Those around us can never truly understand what it is to have a chronic illness, and I have to remember to have grace for them. They can only do so much with something they do not understand.
It is still my goal to be the best Keeper of my Home that I can be... albeit, how I do it is modified. I hope to use what I am learning on my journey to help others out there! May God use this blog and my words to bless anyone who comes across this! To Him be the glory forever and ever Amen!
Diane